This one started off as a melody I came up with after listening to a lot of music with my friend Sam. Originally, I was modeling it somewhat after "Threat Of Joy" by The Strokes but I think it ended up more like "Scram!" by Jeff Rosenstock, with some cues from "I'm Just Being Honest" and "Devotion" by Weezer. I did a weird thing where I wrote all the melodies first and then the rest of the song around it.
The lyrical theme sprung from a title I came up with the other night during a depressive episode. I ended up having a lot of fun exploring it.
lyrics
Verse 1:
I'm leaving, I guess
I shouldn't keep another secret, confessed
that everything I do is trauma reruns
It seems like being honest won't be too fun
Pre-Chorus:
Whatever I do, it all explodes
I've never been good at letting go
Even when all the cracks start showing
I hurt everyone and they hurt me
A self fulfilling prophecy
This isn't who I want to be
Chorus:
Because my ideal self
Would take the problem away
She'd be attentive and kind
She'd take away all the pain cause
She wouldn't be masochistic
She'd pick up on every instinct
And she would be honest with you
And her own feelings
Verse 2:
The mirror's not my friend
It's got me thinking that I'm uncute again
It's got me looking like a dirtbag asshole
I guess that's true because I'm not in control
Pre-Chorus:
I always look fresh out of bed
My eyes are hollow, grey, and dead
I walk like a zombie full of lead
I wish that I felt more full of life
Energy levels maxed out like
I had a reason to look nice
Chorus:
Because my ideal self
Would feel much better than me
She'd rock a confident look
And pull off everything cause
She wouldn't reflect self hatred
If something was wrong, she'd change it
She wouldn't be so damn jaded
Over her past mistakes
*Devotion type solo*
Bridge:
But I'm stuck with this
Bruised, broken body
And I push away
The ones who want me
Rotting out my bones
My brain is useless
Trauma-ridden, mean,
And ineffective
Chorus:
Because my ideal self
Would be stable and nice
She'd be successful and smart
She wouldn't fuck this up twice cause
She wouldn't be that much like me
And she wouldn't need "I'm sorry"
Perfect, pretty, chill, and carefree
She's nothing like me
credits
from FAWM 2021,
released February 1, 2021
John Vermeersch: guitar, bass, drums, vocals, drum loops
Our first album is a raw piece of garage (er, basement) rock, heavily inspired by Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Weezer. It's rough, but it's free, and in my biased opinion, worth a listen. John Vermeersch
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